Monday, February 27, 2017

chill vibe

It was sunny out the other day and we were playing in the backyard, my Pandora station blaring on a bluetooth speaker. We have short fences here and our neighbor, an elderly woman with an edge I admire, told me she likes the music I play.

So now I'm on a mission to please her with my music choices. That day, we were listening to Andrew Duhon. He is a new favorite. He has a chill vibe, his songs are stories layered with meanings.

Best listened to while: driving, reading, writing, taking a bath, drinking wine. Just not all at once.

Wednesday, February 22, 2017


When I tell people I'm an introvert, they usually argue. In fact, only people who know me well really believe me.

Introverts who are not shy are used to being told that they could not possible be introverts. 

People usually think that introverts are shy and extroverts are social. But that's not it. Extroverts get their energy by being around people whereas introverts are recharged from being alone. And I am constantly looking to be alone for a spell to recharge.

I run, or do puzzles or take baths or read books. I listen to music, with headphones on, the world's best invention because they tell everyone else not to bother me without me having to say it. I love to take long scenic drives with my music blaring. I have started taking the kids on field trips that are father and farther away. Before they had this kind of attention span, I would offer to do the family errands, to have a few minutes alone in the car by myself. I was getting my energy where I could.

I hate small talk. I've been known to dash down an aisle at a grocery store to avoid what Larry David calls "stop and chats." I will happily have a long, interesting conversation with someone, but I have no interest in a pointless polite one.

I do not need to be the center of attention. I do not need 1,000 Facebook friends and I am confident I will never have that. But I do want a friend or two that I can be completely honest with, that I can talk about ridiculous and serious things with.

Research has found that introverts have lower thresholds for pain and noise. Dr. Robert Stelmack agrees that introverts' sensory processing is more sensitive. That's why we dislike crowds, loud noises, strong smells, he says.

And for god's sake, will everyone shut the fuck up for a second?

Be assured: You're not mentally ill. You're not dangerous. Or weird. Or lacking in any way. You just like to be alone sometimes. You were born that way. 


All italicized quotes are from The Introvert's Way: Living a Quite Life in a Noisy World by Sophia Dembling

Friday, February 17, 2017


Yesterday, Holden told me I'm his sunshine.

Every day, he tells me he loves me, that I'm pretty, and that he likes my yellow hair.

He holds my hand and gives me kisses.
We listen to music together, one earbud apiece.

He asks me to sing aloud to the songs he knows I like. He asks me to dance. He reminds me to do these things, to be happy, to live in the moment. 

Yesterday, he met a girl and he tried to hold her hand and help her up the climbing apparatus. She wasn't ready for his affections, but he is going to make some girl very happy one day. He will beat up the creepy guys for her and then he will turn around and hug her. He is hard but soft. He will make her playlists and tell her nice things which he actually means. When inevitably some girl compliments me on how my son turned out because it's awkward and she doesn't know what to say, I'll say, "bitch, I taught him that!"

Monday, February 6, 2017

self-fulfilling prophecies

While I was driving, I heard a new song called Issues. (Sample lyrics: 'Cause I got issues, but you got 'em too/So give 'em all to me and I'll give mine to you). It reminded me of something I think of often: self-fulfilling prophecies.

Parenting is such a giant responsibility because we are setting these people up for the rest of their lives. I am trying not to create any negative self-fulfilling prophecies (ie: calling my kids "difficult" or "bully" or "crybaby") when I am with them. Because if someone calls you something enough times, it's only a matter of time until you believe it. Then you emulate it because you're expected to, not because you want to.

I want my kids to imagine the best version of themselves and then create it. I don't want to construct something for them. I want to watch them build it themselves.