I have shown a few people the first twenty pages of the novel I'm writing. One of these friends in particular did me a real solid this week and texted me some writing inspiration tips. She told me I have an amazing book on my hands and she can't wait to read more. She knew I was slacking - that everything else was coming before writing. I knew it too, I just hadn't been reminded of it.
So with this reminder staring at me, I sat down yesterday and wrote. I don't need to think about how much I have left to finish. This is much like my marathon training: a little each day - building my base. The perfection and editing will come later. What matters now is that I'm still in it - that I'm developing the characters and the plot. And mostly, that I'm not giving up. So today, I wrote again. Just like I make it a habit to run each day, I will try to prioritize writing in the same manner.
And today, as I wrote, I felt something again. I had a lump in my throat as I wrote, and I realized these words, this story, has been struggling to get out of me - to breathe its own air, to develop its own voice. So I must let it. The lump developed into tears rolling down my cheeks and I realized this story is greater than me. And also, that despite the fact that I don't have a publisher or a book deal, I am a writer. This is what I was meant to do.
And then, I checked the word count. I'm at 40,000 - which is roughly the halfway point. I have made half of a novel. Or a novella, whichever way you prefer to look at it. I am a writer. At least, I am halfway there.