Friday, July 31, 2015

I'm gonna miss this

Tonight as I put Brandon to bed, I couldn't stop looking at his head - how big it got. Then I noticed how long his legs have become, and how well he enunciates his words now. He was once this little baby I cradled and rocked to sleep each night, not all that long ago. Now he sometimes seems about as advanced as I am, blooming early to my very late.

Then I peeked in on Holden, curled up in his crib atop a nest of blankets the way he likes it. Technically still my baby, but not really even. Every day he says a new word and surprises me (today he strung two together: "thank you"). Every day he needs me a little less, leaning towards his brother and in as much leaning away from me.

Then I came downstairs and turned on iTunes radio while I washed the dishes. The first song to come on was Trace Adkins' "You're Gonna Miss This," a song that was popular while I was in college but had never struck a chord with me. Until now.

She was staring out that window, of that SUV
Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18
She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you


You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this


Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her It's a nice place
She says It'll do for now
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says Baby, just slow down


You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

 

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
She keeps apologizin'
He says They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but ...


You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These Are Some Good Times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
You're gonna miss this
Yeah, you're gonna miss this 


I was that girl in high school. I was that wife. I am that mom.  I thought of all the times I've complained about how much work my kids are, how I never get time to myself, how they make me crazy (although that might be regardless of them...shhh). I am going to miss it all one day. And if I don't stop and realize it, I will also miss out on it while it's happening.

Maya Angelou wrote that when her son was eight, she felt like she was going crazy. When she relayed this to someone in search of help, he told her to write down her blessings.
I said, "Wilkie, I don't want to talk about that, I'm telling you I'm going crazy."
...I followed Wilkie's orders and when I reached the last line on the first page of the yellow pad, the agent of madness was routed. 
...The ship of my life may or may not be sailing on calm and amiable seas. The challenging days of my existence may or may not be bright and promising. Stormy or sunny days, glorious or lonely nights, I maintain an attitude of gratitude. If I insist on being pessimistic, there is always tomorrow. 
 Today I am blessed. 

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