Thursday, June 5, 2014

Woman of leisure

If I were returning to work, this would be my last week of maternity leave. Monday I would be at work: waking up at six something, dropping the kids off at daycare at seven something, then rushing home at five something to start dinner and spend a few precious hours with my kids. I would have spent the last eleven weeks worried about who is fucking up my work back at the office and what a mess I was going to return to (yes, I think I can do my job better than anyone else can).

But instead, I've been calm. I have been a much more laid-back version of myself than I knew existed. Of course I have still been moody at times, but I have chilled the fuck out, for the most part. Not having the stresses of work weighing on me has been good for me. I can handle the kids and their poop blowouts and their moodiness, because it's something I want to do. I'm not doing this for a paycheck. I'm doing a job I love, not working a job that stresses me out and keeps me awake at night.

I think we all wondered if I could stay at home, since I really threw myself into my work before. Thankfully, the answer is yes, I can do this without getting bored. Because I don't sit around watching daytime TV. I exercise and I write and I take the boys on "field trips." We read books together and play endlessly at Brandon's train table and sometimes I just stare at Holden's beautiful face while he smiles and coos at me. The days fly by.

I could do this. I could be a woman of leisure that doesn't work an 8 to 5 job. I could retire and not be bored at home, staring at a wall. Because I have hobbies and goals and ideas. I think that is what it takes to stay sane - projects and activities that make you happy. Because if work is the only thing that makes you happy, are you really that happy of a person? I know without it, I'm much better off. A woman of leisure - put that on a business card and let's call my career a wrap.

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