Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Work/life balance

Last night I looked at Brandon - at his curious, roaming body. I watched him wriggle and crawl and laugh. He has grown up so fast. Last year he was still in my belly and now he can kind of talk and almost walk. Everything all the other parents have said for years is right - they grow up so fast. He will never be small enough to nuzzle in my arms again. He's a strapping young boy.

And as every working mom does, I felt guilty for the hours I've missed of his development. I feel terrible when he is the last in his room at daycare when I come to pick him up. When I work on a Sunday, Steve will send me a picture of Brandon and I feel awful, not being there. So it's time I prioritize my work/life balance.

I've always worked a lot. I had two jobs in college and up until I got married. Even after we were married, I tried the two jobs thing again. When I have one job, I focus all my energy into it. I come in early, work late, skip lunch breaks, and work the weekend. I take an enormous responsibility for everything I do at work. I have good work ethic and am a hard worker. And before, that was no problem.

But now, it's not just me and Steve. There's Brandon to think about. So it's time to change my mindset. Work is important because it allows my family to live in this house.  It allows us to eat out and buy clothes and toys. But it's not more important than my family. So this year, I will work on work/life balance. My family comes first, my job comes second. There aren't any more days or hours or minutes to waste. Brandon is growing up too fast.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

ain't no space wide enough

 Look who's peering over furniture at me
and climbing the stairs to get to me
and occasionally, being still near me, our closeness being what's important.

Monday, January 21, 2013

2013 goals

I have a lot of downfalls. More than, most, I suppose. So in hopes of curbing some of them, I have something to work on this year. It's discipline. I realize that so many things I want to do that I don't or that I do that I shouldn't are because of a lack of discipline. The most successful people I know all have it. I'm lacking it. So this year, I will use discipline and take back control over my own life.

I will be disciplined to: 

1. Eat better
2. Exercise
3. Work smarter
4. Read more
5. Write something every day
6. Watch less TV 
7. Experience learning with Brandon
8. Keep correspondence with old friends
9. Continue to make this house our home
10. Complain less and thank more

I will control my life, rather than let it control me. I will stop running around in circles chasing my tail. I will invest my time in long-lasting, meaningful results rather than trivial and worthless tasks. I will invest most in people. I will also invest in myself. I will invest in those that I love. I will not waste time on hating those I don't. They are not important to me. Time can be better spent elsewhere.

I will realize that money is not my only currency, but time is, as well. I will spend time serving others since I have neglected it, being so wrapped up in myself. I will seek to understand someone else before I inject my own unwarranted opinion. I will listen more and speak less. I will write more and speak less. I will continually seek to better myself and the world around me. I will treat other people as the people they can and should be rather than as they are. And I will struggle every day to rise above the person that I am to become the person that I can and will be.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

My top 10 celebrities of 2012

1. Jennifer Garner - she is one of Hollywood's most beautiful women, but she takes her daughters to the park and dresses like a real person (or what all the other Hollywood moms would probably call a slob). Here's to women who dress for the occasion and realize five inch heels aren't always apropos.
2. Katie Holmes - Hip Hip Hooray for women who realize divorce is a better option than a loveless marriage and raising a child in the midst of chaos. Those people who "don't believe in divorce" are a bunch of lunatics. Sometimes things don't work out as you plan. It takes a big person to admit that. And a dumb person to stay aboard a sinking ship.

3. Aziz Ansari - although his stand-up set wasn't nearly as funny this time around, he still makes me laugh every week in Parks and Recreation. And you thought I didn't like short guys...

4. Eliza Coupe - we all know skinny women aren't funny. This one is! She's a skeleton with a sense of humor. I crack up at her every week on Happy Endings.
5. Ryan Gosling - HELLO - have you seen Crazy Stupid Love? He's charming and sexy and smart and funny and...the entire package. People got it right saying he's the "America's Most Wanted Man." He certainly is mine.
6. Matt Ryan - for not being a first round draft pick, he was a pretty damn good quarterback to have in fantasy football this year. Now if only I had some decent runningbacks - maybe it could have been the "Year of Holly" afterall.
7. Leonardo DiCaprio - sure, he's a modelizer. But he's still in excellent movies and one hell of an actor. I'm excited to see The Great Gatsby soon (if only that sniveling Tobey Maguire wasn't in it...)
 8. Khloe Kardashian - yes, I felt bad for her already with her sisters popping out kids when she isn't able to. And then I felt sorry for her again watching how awkward she is as a host on The X Factor (it doesn't help that she's forced to co-host with Mario Lopez - a robot made for hosting reality TV). She's hilarious and married to a man she loves and wise beyond her family members. She's the only reason to watch any of those shows her family has.
9. Jon Stewart - last year was an election year so I got caught up in some of Steve's watching the race. Jon Stewart made me laugh as he gave honest and candid depictions of the candidates and the stupid things they had said most recently.
10. D. L.  Hughley - I've talked a lot about people who've made me laugh. Topping the list this year is D.L. Hughley. I don't know how he's still married the way he talks about his wife, but it's funny as hell to all of us married people who need to find a way to release our frustrations every once in awhile.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Nine months old

I haven't posted pictures of the baby lately. He's hardly a baby. Sometimes I look at him and see a three-year old. We lowered his crib and his play pen. He's getting too big on us!
He's been eating a lot of real foods. Cheerios, Goldfish crackers, chicken - you name it. He loves grasping little bites and bringing them to his mouth.
He is starting to crawl without dragging his belly on the ground. He loves to pull himself to standing up when his hands are wrapped around my fingers. He can open cupboards now. He tries to grab things off grocery shelves. He's a little mischief maker. 
He's a happy, silly, funny baby and every day I am so grateful that he belongs to me.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

college-educated dish washers by choice

Remember that snarky, bitchy Holly that was always offending people on here? Well I'm back. I'm ready to offend some people. I've finally gotten a little energy back. For the first time in a long time. Ever since Brandon was born I've been rundown and tired. I am not exercising or eating well. I am making myself worse. The hypothyroidism was an excuse for being lazy. Then I had a three-month long cold/cough/sinus congestion mess going on. That is lifting. And yeah, I've been working a lot. But these all sound like excuses. This is a new year and I will determine what I do with my time - my body doesn't choose for me. My body is stupid. And fat. Now let's find others to offend besides my body - because now it is withdrawing and wanting to munch down a few Snickers bars.

It absolutely drives me insane these women who go to college and spend thousands upon thousands of dollars of somebody's (their own, their parents - doesn't matter; money nonetheless) on an education they never intend to use. How many women have gone to college and ended up not using it at all? I would wager to say over half of college-educated women. What a fucking waste. Of time, resources, money. This "going for the experience" or going to meet men - those are not good reasons. Go to a god damn bar and hang out near the tap. College should be for people who actually want to learn. Then maybe they could toughen up the curriculum and having a degree could mean something again.

I understand some people go to college because their parents force them into it. Then their parents are stupid. I understand some people go to college fully intending to use their degree and then they have triplets or something unexpected happens. They're OK, too. But these women who go to college just wanting to be married and have babies and then stay at home, these women who work lame retail jobs and purposefully amount to nothing, these women who expect men to finance their lives - they're all fucking stupid. Don't drag education into it - it has nothing to do with you. Just stay where you are and look for a man there. And leave college to the people who actually give a shit about it.

Disclaimer: I'm not saying there isn't anything admirable about staying home to raise your family - I think that could be the most admirable of all jobs. This is about those losers who pretend they're going to be something else when they know full well they never will.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Baby's First Christmas

What kind of mom am I that I haven't already posted pictures of Baby's First Christmas?
Don't answer that question. It's rhetorical. There is no right answer - only wrongs.
 He liked playing with his little cousin, Mila. She is ten weeks younger than him.
He really loved trying to rip open the presents before it was time. 
 And he still loved hanging by the tree after the presents were gone.
 He loved all the time he got to spend with mom and dad.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

bath time

Brandon can sit up in the bathtub now.
He puts bath toys in his mouth and plays nicely while I scrub him down and lint floats to the top of the water from between his toes. 
Such an easy bath time compared to the splashing and flailing that he did while lying down.
 Won't be long now until he can climb out of it. This kid is growing up so fast. 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

You've Got Spooks

Tonight, I was playing with Brandon on the floor when Steve suggested a movie. "How about You've Got Mail?" he asked. "You love that movie."
"Sure," I replied because I really do love that movie.
While Steve searched through our DVD collection to find it, he started naming off other options instead. "Or Family Stone or (500) Days of Summer."
"You can't start with You've Got Mail and then offer worse suggestions. Of course I'm going to chose You've Got Mail," I tried reasoning with him.

While we bickered jokingly, Brandon grabbed my Kindle I had been playing Scramble on. He likes to take it from me and then bang on the screen to see different images pop up. It's harmless, really. He can't do more damage with his banging baby hands than I do with my sweaty fingers. It just ends up on the weather app showing me precisely how cold it is in this god-forsaken snow wasteland.

Steve finally found You've Got Mail and popped it into the DVD player. I settled into my indented spot on the small couch. But not before grabbing my Kindle back to continue my word games. But when I switched on the screen, look what was staring back at me:

Somehow, Brandon's banging baby fingers had made the movie his mom wanted to watch appear. Steve and I searched for a way that it was easily accessible, but found nothing. It was not saved in a cart, it was not in my recent history, it wasn't an advertisement on one of my free apps. I have never internet searched "You've Got Mail" on my Kindle or any other device. I know all about it already, I have no need for knowledge about it. Is my baby a genius and he's trying to tell me? Is he a wizard? How did this happen? And this just days after his talking puppy went off without anyone around. Shit is getting spooky around here.