Saturday, May 7, 2011

Mother's Day

I kind of hate Mother's Day.

Because people don't know how to treat me on it.

People never know what to say or what not to say around me, and I get it, because if I was anyone besides myself, I'm sure I would be confused too.

What people will ask is how often I see her and if I send her cards and if she sends me cards, and I hate those questions because I feel like the asker expects a certain response out of me. If I say I haven't seen her for two years, they will think that isn't often enough, or if I say I only send things on her birthday and Christmas, they'll think I don't care. I feel judged.

A few weeks ago, I went to a baby shower for my college roommate. I hadn't seen her in quite some time and she was one of the few people who didn't make the situation awkward; she asked me how I felt. It was the first time I said the words out loud, because it was the first time anyone had honestly asked; I said, "each year it hurts a little less." And once I said it, I knew that's how I had been feeling.

A few days after, Gracie sent me a card that said, "I probably loved being in your belly."

That was all the Mother's Day I needed.

4 comments:

Karen F. said...

That message from Gracie is very honest, simple and sweet. WOW!

Nona said...

Love this- because I was hopeful, but wondered how her card would make you feel after I saw what she had written :) We had the best conversation that day about you! I thank God for you daily- After 13 years of not being a mother, you made a smile in my heart (on a day like today) possible. Forever grateful, thankful for you... Happy Mother's Day, sweet Holly

Kimberly said...

Wow- Gracie is amazing, isn't she? Are those some healing words or what? Those words brought me to tears. Can I be so bold to say... you are a wonderful mother, and I know that you and Stephen will be awesome parents someday.

Donna Boucher said...

Gasp.
Just read Gracies note.

belly. :o)