Thursday, February 17, 2011

hoarders in the making

Objects around the house that tell you you're dangerously close to ending up on that show "Hoarders":

1. Puzzle glue
2. A TV guide (made out of glossy paper)
3. Multiple colors of that ribbon you curl with scissors
4. Expiration dates B.Y. (Before Y2K)
5. Pet items if you don't have a pet
6. Clothes in a mending pile are parachute pants and sweatshirts without hoods
7. VHS or cassette tapes
8. Decorative birdhouses or fake ivy
9. Longaberger baskets
10. Excessive amounts of lotion
11. A mound of old shoe boxes or recycled wrapping paper
12. Trophies if you do not have children in the house
13. Tomato plant cages sans tomato plants
14. Shoelaces that aren't on shoes
15. Anything being held together by hot glue

Consider yourself warned. I have listed some of the cheapest, most outdated, or useless items. If you have these lying around, it's time for Spring cleaning. Rent "A Quick Dump" and toss that shit out before someone subjects your house to A&E Cameras and you end up eating your dinner on an overturned 5-gallon bucket because your kitchen table is covered with junk.

This is my Public Service Announcement. There is no need to save old butter containers or Readers Digests or doo dah birds. The rest of us have moved on. It's time for you to do the same.

And for God's sake - clean off your table!

3 comments:

Karen F. said...

PLEASE tell me this isn't YOUR house, it can't be, I just refuse to believe it.

Okay, after reading the list, yes I do have quite a few Longaberger baskets and lots of ribbon for gift wrapping, but that's all stored away neatly, I in fact am proud to say that I am the "dump queen". If I had a bulldozer, I would happily use it to clean out anyone's clutter.........I am a HUGE fan of donating to Goodwill or St. Vinnies etc. Hate garage sales, too much work and not worth the annoyance of it all.

I should have started my own business years ago, ....use it or lose it~

Great post

holly said...

Oh hell no, Karen. This is not my house. We try to keep things in their place here. However, a family member of mine does keep all sorts of useless shit and it drives me insane.

How much shit do we have to accumulate before we realize it isn't necessary? Oh, and that "I grew up during the Depression" line doesn't apply to many people anymore, so what's the newest excuse?

Karen F. said...

Believe me you're preaching to the choir.........My parents were such hoarders, especially my Mom. When I had to help them move out of their home of 45 years, we had to rent a large dumpster (for professional remodeling jobs) and put it in the driveway to just "throw" crap out. Hardest part was getting past them! They wanted to keep everything. Even found an old bag of Walnuts in the Marshall Fields shopping bag that Mom had when I was a kid......this was decades later..."they never go bad" she said...........CALGON - take me away!