Objects around the house that tell you you're dangerously close to ending up on that show "Hoarders":
1. Puzzle glue
2. A TV guide (made out of glossy paper)
3. Multiple colors of that ribbon you curl with scissors
4. Expiration dates B.Y. (Before Y2K)
5. Pet items if you don't have a pet
6. Clothes in a mending pile are parachute pants and sweatshirts without hoods
7. VHS or cassette tapes
8. Decorative birdhouses or fake ivy
9. Longaberger baskets
10. Excessive amounts of lotion
11. A mound of old shoe boxes or recycled wrapping paper
12. Trophies if you do not have children in the house
13. Tomato plant cages sans tomato plants
14. Shoelaces that aren't on shoes
15. Anything being held together by hot glue
Consider yourself warned. I have listed some of the cheapest, most outdated, or useless items. If you have these lying around, it's time for Spring cleaning. Rent "A Quick Dump" and toss that shit out before someone subjects your house to A&E Cameras and you end up eating your dinner on an overturned 5-gallon bucket because your kitchen table is covered with junk.
This is my Public Service Announcement. There is no need to save old butter containers or Readers Digests or doo dah birds. The rest of us have moved on. It's time for you to do the same.
And for God's sake - clean off your table!