Thursday, December 9, 2010

separation anxiety

Just as children, step by step, must separate from their parents, we will have to separate from them. And we will probably suffer...from some degree of separation anxiety: because separation ends sweet symbiosis. Because separation reduces our power and control. Because separation makes us feel less needed, less important.
~Judith Viorst

It's been six years since that Christmas I was pregnant: when the morning sickness was just about to begin along with the emotional tornado that has become me. Over five years have passed since Gracie was born. While those years have passed somewhat uneventfully for me, this whole time, she has been growing taller and smarter and more personality.

Without me.

I gave life to her, but her parents gave her the life she has. They are doing a spectacular job. Much better than I could.

Girls who get pregnant unexpectedly sometimes feel they're the only candidate for the job of mothering. Responsibility should go to someone responsible. And six years ago, I was not. I am glad I recognized that then.

Although the separation will always be an emotional choice, I can still watch her grow up; with the pictures, emails and Facebook messages her parents send me. Today they sent me her letter to Santa and I smiled to know a little about her.

She is a daughter apart from me, but always a part of me. I will never let go of that.

6 comments:

Karen F. said...

Holly,

so eloquently put. So mature. So giving. So loving. You have given Grace not only life, but A life. I was so touched my your words, they were simply beautiful and wise.

melinda sue said...

she is beautiful. you are beautiful. how blessed you both are to get to see a little of each others lives.

Donna Boucher said...

She wants Kleenex boxes. That is very funny!
What a sweet little one to tell Santa, I love you.

Mother's want the best for their children.
You knew this...at the time you were not the best choice....you gave her the best.
Remarkably noble and so selfless.

Mrs. Hyde said...

I think it is a wonderful blessing that her parents keep in touch with you and you still get to watch her grow up.

gina said...

You are a most courageous, selfless person...

You gave her life....

Blessings on both of you!

Anonymous said...

God bless you sweet Holly. Life is full of hard decisions. You were wise beyond your years then....you have grown up so much and learned so much since then. I love you and look up to you for making such a wise and difficult decision. And Melinda is right both you and Grace are beautiful!!- Aunt Carol