Thursday, December 16, 2010

Pounds on board

I did something stupid.

Reeeeeeal stupid.

I stepped on the scale.

I noticed my love handles expanding a few days ago, but then later I had one of those mornings where I hadn't put on my glasses yet and thought I don't look that fat today. So that's where the scale came in.

I thought maybe it had overlooked that I am working out less and eating more. I thought maybe it was forgiving me for not stepping on it much recently and was going to reward me with a nice number under 150. I didn't think. The reality hit me like a sack of potatoes to the back of the head.

I am a chubster.

You all know by now that over five years ago I had a baby. Well, once I returned home from the hospital, I stepped on the scale. What I weighed then is what I weigh now. Eeks. This time I don't have a child growing inside of me to blame.

So I will continue to blame having a baby for forever ruining a woman's figure. It does. Well, it did mine, at least. That coupled with my aversion for dieting and my lack of self-control around anything from the baked goods category. But we can blame lack of control on pregnancy too, right? (I hear all these stories about bladder control going out the window after child #2).

I know Denise Richards and Kelly Ripa and Heidi Klum and all these other skinny blond bitches had no problem going back to washboard abs and perky tits. Well, I live in reality - you know, that place separate from personal trainers and catered meals under a daily calorie count of 2,000 (gasp). So hello, 155. Welcome you couple extra straggling LBs that just made it on board. We've been expecting you. After all, I live in reality.

4 comments:

Mrs. Hyde said...

Let's just say that if I were 155 lbs right now, I'd be on happy bitch. Truth is, I threw my scale away. I read a magazine article by Geneen Roth where she said that when you step on that scale in the morning, you're asking it, "Do I get to feel good about myself today?" I said, 'fuck that'! If anyone is going to make me feel bad about myself, it's going to be me. Not some cold, soulless object taunting me from the bathroom corner.

Toss that thing! And every time you think 155 is a bad number, remember that it's an ideal one for some folks.

Kimberly said...

I have often wondered what life would be like if I didn't have to constantly obsess about everything I put in my mouth, and how many days in a row that I didn't run or work out... The ugly truth is that if I don't do it I will weigh 167 lbs- question is, am I okay with that??? If not I will forever have to think before I eat and run every other day for the rest of my life!! I'm on the fence day by day.... and can't wait for the day that I finally say "who cares". Good luck to you my sweet niece.

Karen F. said...

Oh Holly, You are my GOAL weight! I am still blaming my baby fat on my last child who will be 18 (not months, YEARS).

I KNOW I need to do something, but I am in the "I don't want to right now" state of mind.

Your post was very cute and funny, and just think of how much fun us "corn fed girls" (as Donna says) have!

melinda sue said...

holly, i am with karen. you are my goal weight. actually even below my goal weight.

and i can't even blame the baby. it's all me. i weigh less now than i did before i got pregnant. but my body is definitely not the same.

as i get older i realize i don't just have to diet and workout to lose weight, but i have to diet and workout to not gain weight. that just doesn't seem right.

damn those skinny bitches with their chefs and trainers and endless amount of hours to be filled with nothing but working out.