Monday, November 29, 2010

a little coast left in me

In a conversation, I heard myself refer to I-80 as "the interstate." Oh God, I thought, it's happening. After five years of my waning resistance, Nebraska is eking it's way into my personality. I've always been proud of the geographical location of my upbringing, but I'm afraid regardless of it, I'm turning into a Midwesterner. That scares the hell out of me. So I've compiled a list of things that sets me apart from my neighbors to make myself feel better. It's all I have left now besides the occasional, "you're not from around here, are you?"

1. I still haven't worn tennis shoes with jeans
2. I've managed to remain under 180 lbs
3. I don't eat any food made of corn except popcorn which doesn't count because it's a snack
4. I hate Runza
5. I don't wear red on game days and in fact I don't own any red clothing save for one sweater vest I bought in a sweater vest frenzy.
6. Lake Okoboji is not "the beach"
7. Bad teeth are still a turn off
8. "Supper" is "super" misspelled to me
9. I don't own a John Deere, Harley, or a pickup truck
10. Neither me nor my dog hunts
11. I still can't cook
12. I've never ordered from Omaha Steaks
13. My outdoor grill is tiny
14. I don't have a quilt on my bed
15. All my silverware matches
16. I don't own wind pants
17. My hair is not brown
18. I don't consider Plato's Closet to be high fashion
19. I didn't go to the Olive Garden after prom
20. Both my car headlights work

5 comments:

amberjune said...

Hilarious. I gave a few hearty gufaws. A few to add to your list:

Your furniture/appliances/credit cards are not exclusively NFM.
You wear heels (and by heels I mean taller than 2 inches).
You were never in the paper or on the news for high school sports.
Hiking is synonomous with "incline."
You actually like seafood.
You don't attend hockey games.
Your wedding did not last 10 hours.
You know what toilet seat covers are.
You do not own multiple crock pots.
You are not catholic.
You don't eat ranch dressing every day.
You're still a little surprised that you can buy liquor and a wardrobe at the grocery store.
You don't show up 2 hours early to the airport (I mean airfield).
You occasionally wear nail polish or accessories.
You don't own uggs.
You don't eat pizza with hamburger on it.
You wish there were half as many Starbucks as there are dentists.
You do not own a Columbia coat.
You hesitate slightly at yellow lights.
You did not attend UNO, UNK or UNL.
You don't prounounce Oregon "Ore-a-gone."
You know that Jack N' The Box is not just a child's creepy toy.

shelby said...

umm actually i don't pronounce oregon like that but patrick does and i bugs the hell out of me AND i know way more people with uggs in california than in nebraska because they aren't really good for the snow.

Anonymous said...

Each state has its own issues. There are some pretty sharp and famous people that have come out of Nebraska. I've actually come here to study medicine, as Nebraska has one of the best research medical facilities in the nation. And not all of us drive pick-up trucks, ride Harley's or like Runza for that matter. Some of us do actually read. That said, be proud of where you are from. I know I am.

Malcolm D.

holly said...

Anyone who is from the midwest need not take offense. I am in no way assuming all of these generalizations apply to everyone from this state. Like Malcom said, all states have their own issues.

In the same token, if you were to tell me people from my state are hippies who smoke too much weed or impractical yuppies who spend entirely too much money on Starbucks, I would not be offended. We are.

Donna Boucher said...

Funny list Holly!!
20., 15., and 8., were especially astute and funny to me.

You do, however, need a quilt.
Baby it's cold outside.


(I know you love quotes. ;o)