Sunday, July 25, 2010

Why people suck, part 1

I haven't bitched about what I hate about people in a couple hours awhile. It's about time. Isn't that why you read my blog? So we can agree on common hatreds? Honestly, that's what makes a friend to me: not someone who loves what I love, but rather, someone who hates what I hate. Take my college roommate, for example: we bonded over a mutual hatred for denim-on-denim and healthy food.

I could never contain in one blog post everything I'm passionately against, so I'll limit this one to things people say that I can't stand. I really wouldn't hate people so much if they didn't talk. Well, that and write and make facial expressions and use hand motions. So basically, if people were all like my dog, I would hate them as much. Since that's not happening, I take to venting:

1. I could care less
Don't even get me started. This could be a series of blog rants. It's completely illogical.

2. What's wrong?
Nothing was until you asked, dimwit. Now I want to punch your face and curse humanity.

3. Just my luck
Everyone thinks they're the most hapless person in the world. You're not. That special.

4. Anything over 100% (or anything over 10 on a 1 to 10 scale).
Yes, Randy Jackson is my nemesis. ("1000% yes, you're through to Hollywood!")

5. I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you.
I don't even know what movie that is originally from. I just wish it would go away.

6. People who quote movies. Every time you see them.
Have an original thought. And turn off the damn TV every now and again.

7. You know what I mean? or ya know?
Do you really want me to pretend to agree with you? Because honestly I have no idea what you're talking about and don't (a) give a shit or (b) know what you mean.

8. When people make me repeat what I just said even though they heard me.
If you didn't care the first time, don't make me repeat it. (Side note: a phrase I love is "did I stutter?")

9. A co-worker of mine always says, "Not bad for a Monday," to anyone who asks how he's doing. Which makes me feel like it's always Monday because I'm always hearing that phrase. Also, I don't need to be reminded how many more days until the weekend. I'd like to think about anything else right now.

10. Would you like the receipt with you or in the bag?
Shove it in the F-ing bag like they did in the olden days before retailers asked a million questions.

3 comments:

Micael said...

You're my new hero. I want to be you when I grow up!

Stephen said...

ya know ya know ya know

melinda sue said...

along with what's wrong... i would like to add: "why are you crabby?" or "why are you in a bad mood?" i didn't know i was, but ask me that one more time and you're really going to see a bad mood, suckas.