So apparently vacuum cleaners require maintenance? This is news to me. I mean sure, I've had belts snap before, but there are filters to replace? Give me a break. Non-pet owners always say owning a pet is expensive. No it's not, owning a vacuum is.
I fully intended on cleaning up the massive amounts of hair our carpet is growing (from our pet; OK, I get what you were saying non-pet people), but when I turned on the vacuum, a gray poof of dust exploded from it. A filter costs $25. There are a lot better things I can do with $25. Like take it to the casino and throw it in the slot machine.
There's got to be a better way. Like being rich and having a maid. Those god damn slot machines need to start paying out a trillion to one.
In a totally unrelated P.S.: You all know how I'm obsessed with Aziz Ansari. He has made me appreciate stand up comedy. I'm watching Last Comic Standing now since nothing else is on TV until Thursday when Big Brother starts. She got kicked off last night, but Fortune Feimster is completely hilarious. She taught me that lesbians wear vests. Which explains the confusion of the women who have hit on me in the past.