Friday, July 9, 2010

change jar

You know how people say, "a penny for your thoughts?" as if everything in your head they want in their's? Maybe they feel mentally inferior. Or maybe, since a penny is such an insult, it's meant to make you feel inferior: your thoughts aren't worth shit. I knew an old man who told me he won't even bother bending down for anything less than a dime.

(Why are nickels bigger than dimes? It should be the smaller the coin, the less it's worth).

Well, save your measly pennies. I give you my thoughts on a website for free. You can thank me later: write me a check in the year 2020 for a $10,000 and I'll call us even. Maybe ten Gs is a bit steep. We'll figure out the math when the time comes (in the meantime, you might as well start throwing change in a jar in preparation).

In case you're intrigued by my mind and think it's some genius playground, let me assure you: it's not. A good rule of thumb is if I'm not spaced out staring out the window, I'm probably thinking about things I can buy. I love having a shopping bag and a receipt.

Now that I'm a homeowner, I spend a lot of time thinking of ways I can throw money at improve our house. Like yesterday: I was standing in the shower thinking that we should coat our bathroom walls in rubber. Perhaps just roll it on like wallpaper. Is that a product? It needs to be. I hate to see the paint peeling off the wall above the shower stall. It makes showers even less enjoyable for me.

Why don't you throw a quarter in that Holly jar? That was certainly worth more than a penny.

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