Monday, May 10, 2010

photoshop

Photobucket.com is a necessity for me. It seems anytime someone takes a picture, they don't zoom in to what the subject, and I end up getting a picture of some strangers taking a whiz on the side of the building, while Steve and tiny blurbs in the corner of the shot.

Not only that, but I'm constantly trying to get rid of red eyes. Back in the day, I used a fine Sharpie, but now technology has changed all that. Although no matter how you do it, everyone ends up with demon eyes. So I just change it to black and white. That's also handy for covering up the fact that Steve's shirt is hideous pale yellow. I hate yellow. All of us with fair skin hate yellow.

I like the magic of photo editing, but what I really want is some airbrushing options. Or hell, just a brush would be fine. Can I get a brush feature that smooths down my hair? How about a foundation feature that turns my drunk red cheeks miraculously skin-toned? Again, that's why my fall-back is black and white.
OK, I knew you were curious now about how hideous this shirt was. These are the groomsmen in all their piss yellow glory. I'm just thankful I didn't have to wear it. I only wear four colors: black, white, gray, and blue.
Steve's grandpa stayed with us. We loved having him. We love him. And I got lucky getting a shot in without a suspender in sight.

There was a moment at the reception when I fell in love with Steve all over again. That's what happens when I see a different side of him. I remember one of the other things I love about him and a smile spreads across my face and my heart quickens. When no one was dancing, he came from his elitist Wedding Party table and asked me to dance. Even though we can't. At all. But it was romantic just the same. Then, when I saw his aerobic workout routine to YMCA, I fell in love with him all over again.

Before scrolling down, please note my sister's sweet dance moves on the right. It just might make your night.
If that picture didn't do it for you, you can't go wrong with this one. It's hilarious on so many levels. I think I should submit it to the New Yorker so they can have people send in captions to go with it. Or because they only do that with cartoons, why don't you put your captions in the comments? The winner can wish they were in the New Yorker, but really maybe I'll just photoshop a conversation bubble into the picture with the winning caption. Hey, I do what I can. Don't blame me you haven't made it big yet - I haven't either. In the meantime, we have the internet.

4 comments:

shelby said...

wow i'm with you on the nasty yellow shirt. i hate yellow. i look so bad in it. i had to wear a yellow bridesmaid dress once. it was torture.

shelby said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jo(e) said...

I love the black-and-white shot! (I don't think yellow looks good on anyone.)

melinda sue said...

matthew thought your line about the suspenders was very funny... since he isn't one to leave blog comments, i will leave it for him.