Goodbye may seem forever
Farewell is like the end
But in my heart is a memory
And there you'll always be
-old lady singing on "Fox and the Hound"
Today was my last day with my employer part deux. It all felt a little like déjà vu this morning, well wishing over baked goods and promising to coordinate get-togethers that may or may not ever happen. And just like last time, it was emotional for me to say goodbye to a company I love so much. Until here, I've never had a job I loved. And it made me question if I made the right choice. After all, I wasn't forced out, this was completely voluntary.
The last two jobs I left, I felt as if I had just been released from prison (not that I have first hand knowledge, but this is what's left of my imagination). Once out of the parking lot, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders: I was finally free. But with this one, I had to choke back tears at the gas station, as stupid as it sounds. I wanted to call my boss and say, "OK, screw the NFL draft, I'm going to come in tomorrow and work one last day." But I didn't. Instead, I returned home where Steve was waiting for me and my looming emotional breakdown.
He reminded me why we decided this in the first place. That we want the same things in life. And that it all starts with me getting a grown-up, stable, permanent job with benefits. And he told me I would go to my new job on Monday and I would love it. So I ripped my now contraband badge off and gave him a forced smile. And I'm choosing to believe him. Just like a break up, there is no quicker way to get over this past relationship than by diving into a new one. And I will do just that. I will give as much effort to this new job as I gave my last one. I will become just as deeply invested and devoted to this company as I was the last. And once again, I will prove myself. And this time, maybe it will all pay off.