Saturday, January 23, 2010

umbilical cord

Today, I'm missing my daughter. I know you might think it's hard to miss someone you barely know and rarely see, but somehow I feel like I know her. I feel like she is me, only 22 years younger. I feel like we must have similar mindsets or mannerisms, the way every mother/daughter combo does but pretends against.

So on days like this, the best thing to do is clear my head. I went for a walk with Steve. The first walk we've had in quite sometime. This winter wonderland is slipping into a slushy, puddly one. It's nice to have a distraction. It's days like this when the laundry gets done or I organize something.

Gracie never leaves my mind or slips away, but there are days when she is there, a giant amongst every other dwarfed concern in life. There are these days when I don't have regrets, just "what ifs." I wish just to baby sit her, then I feel it's best that I don't. I'm like Robin Williams in "Mrs. Doubtfire" - just want to spend a little time with her to make the hurt go away.


melinda sue said...

holly, i have told you a hundred times, you are the bravest, most unselfish kind of mother there is.

and there is only one thing to do today... clear your head with me. lets do something stat.

Donna Boucher said...