Today, I'm missing my daughter. I know you might think it's hard to miss someone you barely know and rarely see, but somehow I feel like I know her. I feel like she is me, only 22 years younger. I feel like we must have similar mindsets or mannerisms, the way every mother/daughter combo does but pretends against.
So on days like this, the best thing to do is clear my head. I went for a walk with Steve. The first walk we've had in quite sometime. This winter wonderland is slipping into a slushy, puddly one. It's nice to have a distraction. It's days like this when the laundry gets done or I organize something.
Gracie never leaves my mind or slips away, but there are days when she is there, a giant amongst every other dwarfed concern in life. There are these days when I don't have regrets, just "what ifs." I wish just to baby sit her, then I feel it's best that I don't. I'm like Robin Williams in "Mrs. Doubtfire" - just want to spend a little time with her to make the hurt go away.