Tuesday, November 17, 2009

good, better, best

When I was a kid, my favorite place to go was dad's school. He would take us there after dinner, when no one was around save a janitor and a haggard-looking secretary. He would shoot hoops with Chad in the gymnasium while Amber and I would jump on stage and pretend we were being watched - belting out songs, dancing around. And then dad would take us into his classroom. I would marvel at the maps on the wall, the skeleton, and the little cubbies each student had. It was then I decided I was going to be a teacher - just like dad.

I'm not a teacher. Sometime in those chaotic college years (when no one should be held accountable for what profession they will end up in, mind you) I changed my major. To English. A degree w/o a correlating profession. But I had high hopes: of one day being a writer. Today, I am grown up, and although I don't have a classroom, I do have my cubicle. My small yet inviting cubicle with dual monitors. As a kid, I would have thought that was so cool. If I saw the rainbow of colors light up the screen, I would think that was even cooler. I would ask for a copy of Fraction Munchers in all color, too.

I'm not a writer, either. I go to work each day, then come home and write my humble little blog. Occasionally, when my ego has had a chance to rebuild itself, I submit a poem off to a literary journal somewhere where someone is sifting through poems the way I do resumes, picking the good from the slush and the best from the good. One day, maybe I'll be that person. And I will teach a creative writing class. I will do a little of both - a little of what my dad does and a little of what I do. I've been learning all these years. Preparing for something I'm truly passionate about.

I wrote something really cheesy in 2005. Super cheesy. But I'm copying it for you in the spirit of nostalgia and hopefulness and optimism. I wrote this when I was pregnant and afraid and alone; when I needed words to soothe my pain and tell me that someday, things would turn out for the best.

We all had our high hopes and dreams - of being actresses, singers, presidents, and CEOs. We were the future - we were going to change the world. But then our dreams collided with reality. A couple made their dreams come true. A few dreams changed as life progressed, and a few gave up on dreams altogether...Once in awhile, when I feel like life is a cycle of running in circles and never reaching any destination, I remind myself of my dream and how all this running in circles will one day take me there.

2 comments:

melinda sue said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
melinda sue said...

beautiful holly... really beautiful.

you know you and i have the same dream? being a writer and a teacher.

for now i guess we will have to live with our dual monitors and our blogs... but someday... someday... we will reach our dreams, because we are just that kind of girl... the kind of girl who gets what she really wants, who obtains her dreams.