Tuesday, September 8, 2009

anticipating the new, even if it's old

What is worse than the anticipation of a vacation? The counting down of hours and saying, "a week from now I will be doing __________." That was always one of my favorite things to say. I love to recount events in times of weeks, months, and years. I say it after the event, noting the time that has passed. "A week ago exactly we were driving to Grandpa's house." Reminding myself and my siblings that there will be or once was a moment better than this one.

A week from today I will ask my niece if she remembers who I am (probably not). A week from today I will buy my little brother a beer (legally). A week from today my husband and I will squeeze onto a tiny twin mattress and fall asleep spooning, the only possible way to get two full-grown adults on my childhood bed. A week from today I will worry that Tucker misses us and ask Steve what he thinks Tucker is doing that second. A week from today I will anticipate coming home. A week from today I will remind myself that my home is no longer the same one as my parents'.

The only thing worse than the anticipation of a vacation is the anxiety of putting in your two weeks' notice. It's not that I'm not a veteran at this, I've done it many times. But it doesn't get easier. I hate to think of what a bind I'm leaving my boss in (somehow, I always flatter myself into believing I'm irreplaceable). But regardless, I did it. I quit unemployment insurance today. And now, I anticipate seeing the same names from the unemployment claims on the resumes I will see as a recruiter. I love this job. I'm ecstatic that my hard work paid off. I will come back from vacation refreshed, missing home, and eager to start my new old job again. You never really leave as long as your heart is still there.

No comments: