Friday, July 17, 2009

cashiers, 401K, Chipotle woman

I wish I understood how to make my ideas materialize. I saw a new reality show where you give your idea to some sort of wizards who make them happen. That's what I want to do, because I have tons of great ideas, but don't know anything about patenting or making protocols. Most of my ideas are awesome inventions I can't live without. Some, however, are just common sense.

I know the people in Washington won't understand this, but us Midwesterners have a nice convenience of being able to buy booze at the grocery store. It's convenient until the check out line. Steve and I spend a minute or two checking out the cashiers and seeing which one might be of legal age to sell us said adult products. I am always wrong. The other day I saw wooden earrings and automatically thought "old." However, we came closer and saw braces. Once we get in line, she flicks on her light and waits for the one person over age 16 to waddle over and check our IDs (suspiciously, I might add). My idea is to have a checkout lane or two for alcohol and cigarette purchases only. It's not rocket science, just a social convenience.

I have a 401K now. I love to watch money grow, even if it is now just seeing digits change on a computer screen rather than counting out large quantities of bills. $81 stashed away for my retirement, I'll have you know. I guess this isn't my first retirement fund as the Sheraton did send me $26 from some nest egg I didn't know I had. Sorry old version of myself, but I spent all your retirement on a twelve pack of Bud Light and a fast food dinner. Hopefully this one will make it a bit farther. Although if I keep up with the booze and fast food, I won't have to worry about a retirement.

I went to Chipotle yesterday and somehow got stuck behind some woman taking an order over her cell phone and regurgitating it back to the burrito maker (not sure of the official job title on this one, just a shot in the dark). It went like this:

BM: "Beans?"
SW: "Do you want beans baby? Yes."
BM: "Black or pinto?"
SW: "Black or pinto? I don't know, the black ones are black and the pinto ones look like rabbit turds. Black."
BM: "What kind of salsa?"
SW: "Do you want salsa? The kind with the tomatoes, the kind with corn, or the green stuff?"

I was so annoyed that I was one question and one assault charge away from ripping that cell phone off her ear and shoving it into her gaping mouth. Don't go to Chipotle and order for more than yourself unless the other person is a kid that wastes too much time deciding and can't see over the counter anyway. Social indecencies swirl all around me and there is no one trying to stop them except myself and my humble blog. And please don't post about how there are much greater injustices in the world. We're talking about my world, not the entire world here. Don't be so damn literal. Now THAT'S annoying.

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