Wednesday, April 29, 2009

change will do you good

I believe people can change. Were we all such predictable creatures of habit, there would be no surprises. People develop into themselves, which is sometimes the polar opposite of how they were raised. I don't believe you are destined to a certain lifestyle because of your upbringing. Some people fall into the mold they were expected to, but others break it.

The human race is so intriguing and fascinating. I'm only able to really gauge my own growth, but I am one of those people who keeps and rereads books. I rewatch movies. I even have a book of crosswords which are started but unfinished. I go back and fill in the blank spaces and am shocked at what I didn't know before. When I read a book again, it means more or less to me because of what I've learned since last time I read it.

When I was a kid, I kept journals (before I got so paranoid about people gathered around a campfire, reading it aloud and laughing that I buried them in the bottom of the trash can). I would read what I had wrote later on, and laugh at how silly and stupid I was. Little did I know that journal entry criticizing my previous one would again be mocked years down the road, etc. etc. -- the cycle always repeating itself.

When I interviewed potential employees for Paypal, we conducted behavioral interviews, asking for specific examples of a time in your past where this instance has occurred, and how you reacted. This is based on the belief that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. Many times, it is. But there were a few instances when my gut reaction was that this person is completely different now than they were then. Those are the people I remembered at the end of the day and knew would make the best employees.

I think it's the weak that believe in negative self-fulfilling prophecies. How they are defined by others develops into how they define themselves. If my parents told me I'm dumb and I'm a loser, I must be. Complacency is normal, and mediocrity seems like a prize. People who believe in something, not because they were told to, but because that's their desire, those are the people I admire. It's the strong who prove others wrong. Those are the people who we are drawn to: they become legends.

I think it's sad the way society pigeonholes certain people and makes them outcasts for life, despite the fact that they might as well be a completely different person since that mistake. If you have something on your background check, even shoplifting when you were 15 because your friend stuck those panties in your purse, you are destined to work in a warehouse or at a gas station, because all the places you really want to work won't accept that type of background.

I don't believe every person is born inherently good, but as long as we can change, there's always hope.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

reality tv #5

American Idol:

Loved it. I loved all the songs, all the performances. This top five is the most talented I've ever seen. Even Danny Gokey who is overrated was fantastic tonight. Actually, I think he did the best, but really, everyone gave me chills. And no horrible wardrobe choices I can make fun of. Everyone looked quite dapper. Very impressed. I'm ready to be disappointed now next week. Don't want to see one of my three favs go home (Allison, Matt, and Kris) but I know it's inevitable. (And yes, I believe in the oxford comma).

Biggest Loser:

Every year, I watch contestants I like go home and although I am disappointed, I also expected it. Both Kristin and Filipe (and Sione) went home as a result of Ron, and they all three had the chance to vote him out (what was it: seven or eight times he was below the yellow line?) I hate to say they deserved it, but perhaps they should have spent a little of their time before the show watching old Big Brother episodes. Learn how to manipulate people and not let them manipulate you. I feel like everyone is "surprised" when their time comes and no one anticipates the cat claws. I should teach a class, or at least try out for Big Brother.

Can't wait for the next installment of Big Brother. If anyone would revolve their life around a show, it would be me following the latest alliances and cheesy competitions all in a struggle for power. I love the human race.

Daisy of Love:

Has anyone else seen this? I know you have, Kelsey. We are in for a bumpy ride with a lot of alcoholic males, all who think they are rock stars vying to be Silicone's main man. Where did the producers find this trash? I think they hit up the bars after hours and literally picked up the people still there (lying on the floor, no doubt). Regardless of their recruiting tactics, we are in for some entertaining smut. Although I do prefer seeing a house full of catty girls rather than a house of too much testosterone. Either way, if it's on VH1 on a Sunday night, I'll watch it.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Trashy checklist

Lots of trashy people around here (we're minutes from Iowa) that don't have a clue that they're trashy. Here is a check list: if even one of these apply to you, you're trashtastic:

1. You have any apparel boasting beer or liquor logos
2. You drive a car made in the 70s by choice
3. Saturday night: 40s of Naughty Ice
4. Jelly shoes
5. "Doc Martens aren't cool anymore? I just got my first pair"
6. You shoot squirrels from your porch
7. Your tv set has bunny ears on top and you don't know what a feckin' convertor box is
8. Certain words are hard to pronounce correctly ("pacifically;" "aks")
9. Every brand in your closet has the word, "girl," "sport," or "USA" in it
10. You have two screen doors
11. You don't cover your pregnant belly with clothing, but let it "breathe"
12. Breastfeeding in public (just happened on the plane the other day. Disgusting)
13. You own a toilet humor book
14. Instead of a junk drawer, you have a junk room
15. Comedy Central is still funny to you (or South Park, take your pick)
16. Pre-paid cell phone
17. Under the age of 65 and you eat at buffets
18. A felony on your record (accidents only happen in the misdemeanor range)
19. You're missing an adult tooth
20. Tramp stamp or a tattoo of a damn butterfly somewhere on your body

Saturday, April 25, 2009

DVR sports, fitting room, Facebook etiquette

Why do guys refuse to DVR sports? The point of DVR is to not allow the networks decide what time you watch their programming. So for us girls, it seems fine to watch our smut two or three hours later and make time for our men when they're needy, but I don't know a single guy who will watch sports later than live. What a double standard. I need to stop thinking men and women are treated equal, because let's face it: that will never happen.

I brought a little joy into someone's life today. I know you don't think this sounds like me, so let me clarify: it wasn't intentionally. Whenever I use a dressing room, I never put the clothes I don't want to buy on the "no thanks" rack. Instead, I distribute them back where I found them. I just want the other shoppers to be able to find the item they're looking for, and what if there is only one left and I left it on the "no thanks" rack? They would never find it.

Besides being conscientious of other shoppers, I also don't like the judgment I feel when I hand a sales associate seven of my eight items and they think I'm cheap. So anyway, I was exiting a fitting room today and handed the sales associate just my number and no clothes. "Did those work for you?" she asked. "Yep," I answered (I would get one out of four, so not a full-out lie). "Really?!?" she chirped (she had just had four other customers hand her back everything). I smiled. Glad my little white lie made someone smile.

I check out Facebook on a daily basis to see what's going on in the lives of all my acquaintances (I would say friends, but let's face it, I'm only friends with about six people on my friends list). Unfortunately, I can never just get a broad overview anymore, because there are a few select people who are always picking their top five of everything (tv shows, candy bars, cereals). Then there are others who are taking every god damn quiz known to man (none of which have the results spelled correctly, I might add). I have found the way to block certain people from my news feed, but every time I do so, some other yahoo gets bored and clog up my feed. There should be some Facebook etiquette.

If there was (Facebook etiquette), one of the rules would be not to delete comments from your page. Sure, I might use four letter words once in awhile for shock appeal or address adult subjects, but that is no reason to delete my comment. What makes your page sheltered from the rest of the world, and who are you trying to protect from reading it? If a person has access to the internet and has learned how to use it, nothing I type in a sentence will shock them.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

surreal reality, need AC, metric system

I told my boss at my evening job that I would prefer not to work tonight, so here I am with more free time and in better spirits. What better than to peruse eBay and blog after a night at pasta heaven (and my former place of employ) and a peanut buster parfait from Dairy Queen? I got a chance to catch up on the Biggest Loser and Ron is such a snake! Despicable. I liked Kristin. She didn't bitch and worked her ass off and that is rare. But her downfall was not voting out Ron when she had a chance. You can't be too trusting on a dog-eat-dog show.

Ok, so as you all know, I love reality shows as much as most people half my age, but even I think they have gone a little too far. I refuse to watch any "reality shows" with celebrities as contestants. Celebrity fit club, surreal life, dancing with the stars, celebrity apprentice: I'm not interested. First of all, if you're on one of these shows in the first place, you're not a celeb: you're a has-been. You're not A or B List, you're on whatever list Kathy Griffin is a part of. The beauty of watching reality shows is seeing ordinary people in an abnormal situation. I don't want to see some rich person spill their woes on life and mope about their unfortunate past.

That doesn't mean, however, that I don't perk up when I hear of a has-been gone nobody. "Screech" late on some water bills? That is hilarious. Too bad 6:30 am syndicated shows of "Saved by the Bell," don't pay handsome residuals. I guess when all you have to offer on your resume is: "frizzy white boy fro, prepubescent pitchy voice, fish hook mouth with bug eyes surprised look," there isn't much of a market for you in Hollywood anymore. Our tastes have really improved since the 80s (this is a joke: see previous paragraph about worthless 'celebrity' reality shows).

Well, let me separate my real life from that box in the living room for a moment. Today was so hot. Spring was Tuesday and here we are in summer. Perhaps this will be the year I get air conditioning in my car. Either that, or I can sweat through enough clothes that I might as well have paid for air conditioning. On the plus side, today I was finally able to put my hair into a ponytail (with the assistance of only one bobby pin). This has been a long time coming ever since that fateful day I decided to experiment with a hair school stylist who apparently doesn't know inches as a measurement. Perhaps she's foreign and on the metric system. I have a lot more to say, but I will space it out. I don't need to go crazy one night because I don't have to work -- I have my whole life in front of me (but what does that phrase mean since nobody knows how long their life will be?)

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

reality tv #4

I watched American Idol. I've decided two contestants who could make CDs I would actually buy: Matt Giruad and the girl with the red hair. Well, only the girl's if she did her Bonnie Raitt style, and not her Tiffani thing. And then I would drag two or three songs of Kris Allen's off of Steve's iTunes onto my own. I really think Matt and red hair sang the best last night.

I'm so annoyed with Gokey. I'm annoyed because he never improves and he always gets praised. He is a church singer to me. He knows how to sing, but he's not a star. He doesn't have any special qualities whatsoever. Not to sound heartless, but would he really have a mass fan base if it wasn't for his personal story? He gets all of the sympathy and the Christian votes, and I am quite sure that overrules the votes of those judging on talent.

Glad to see Lil gone, I was getting annoyed at her mouthing off to the judges each week. Not surprised Anoop is gone. He did look pretty good with that facial hair. I did predict the outcome correctly again, but so did JT on 98.5 so perhaps I'm not as talented and clairvoyant as I had previously hoped.

If Simon does not come back next season, I will quit watching Idol. I'm about to the point to fast forward comments from the other judges because it's just so worthless
(Randy: "yo yo, dog, check it out. You did your thing!"
Kara: "I wasn't crazy about the arrangement, but I like you,"
Paula: "I shop at the same place you shop!" and "Hey, I'm out of coke" [pun intended])

I haven't watched "Biggest Loser" yet, I will have to save that for Saturday. Does anyone else watch "Make me a Supermodel" on Bravo? I would blog about it, but I'm pretty sure I'm one of ten people who watch it. I like Bravo a lot recently. When there is nothing to watch, Bravo always delivers something reality-enough for my tastes. Well I will cut this one short for the sake of Steve's sanity. I'm a real bitch when I'm either hungry or tired and working overtime, Steve has definitely noticed it acting up again. I will return in better spirits and with more free time.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

driving sober, carpool ad, servants

I am seriously considering becoming one of those people who I make fun of because they don't drive. I just can't stand the stress of the roads anymore. Every time someone changes lanes I tense up, thinking they're going to change two at a time and ram into me. Tonight I was driving down 13th Street and three people dressed in black darted into the road at different intervals. In my mind I imagined myself reliving the movie, "Stuck" (worst movie ever - don't watch it).

I was behind first a high driver and then a drunk driver on the drive home from work (Tuesday night @ 9:15 - time to party!) A car that was all bashed in cut me off and I changed lanes figuring I didn't want to be around any car that was so banged up, because obviously they can't drive. My car is just as judgmental about who to hang with as I am. So I might become one of those bus riders or put an ad on Craigslist for a carpool, because I'm really beginning to dread it. I would love to have a driver like Mr. Big does.

As much as I'd like to have a driver, I think I would rather have a chef. It's a hard pick: really any servant-type position would appeal to me to have one. A personal assistant (bitch) would be outstanding. Things like this is why I need to be rich. Yet alas, I live in Omaha, NE in an apartment complex that refuses to clean up their dead birds. One day perhaps, one day.

Monday, April 20, 2009

the joys of air travel

Steve and I traveled to Denver for a very quick two days this weekend. I am the worst traveler ever. It's not that I get stressed out in airports or anything like that, I just don't arrive sloppily enough. I'm wearing heels while I'm walking miles at a time to get from the sidewalk to the terminal. Then we get to the metal detectors and I've got to unzip my knee-high boots, take off my coat and my sweater and pretty much strip off everything I'm wearing with how perverted TSA is becoming. I hold up the line with all these low-maintenance guys wearing khaki shorts and flip flops.

Then, I get to the part where we sit in the airplane on the runway for two hours before taking off (a freak snow storm in Denver on the one day of the year we fly there), and I decide I don't want to read my two books that I brought just for this purpose. No, I want to watch direct tv (courtesy of Frontier). Well, I don't have earphones, so I whine and beg Steve for his, but he's not budging. "Ask the stewardess," he says, but I do and she blows me off saying, "I don't have any on me." No shit. It's not like you wear them like necklaces, you have to walk back and get them. That's your JOB. You're a waitress in the air and damn it, I want some headphones. So I had to sit through half a VH1 show attempting to read lips (which is surprisingly easy considering every other word is "bitch").

I was very unimpressed with our "ladies of the air," and how unfriendly they were. The other stewardess was taking luggage out of the overhead storage compartments and sending them back to be checked because she felt they were a bit too big. Then she insisted that my purse can't sit next to me, but has to sit under my seat. It was her mistake when I didn't get my gum in. Why don't you quit meddling in these petty details and get that baby in 8F some NyQuil?

When the beverage cart came around, Steve and I each got only a piddly little cup with the ice with holes in it and a drop of soda when everyone around us got the can, too. I guess I really put them out by asking for headphones and having a purse. When we finally did land, the stewardesses (stewardesi?) were laughing so hard at the pilot that he couldn't make his announcement. This meant the PA system flickering on and off between giggles. The whole ordeal was pretty annoying to me because every time they make an announcement, the sound goes off on my tv (I finally got earphones and then later found some in my backpack that I purposefully saved last time we flew).

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

predictin' tv, walkin', and retailin'

I just finished working for 13 straight hours, but I'm not going to let that deter me from bloggin'. From unemployed to overemployed: I've got to make up for lost time.

On the drive home, I called Steve and got the 411 on who got the least votes on Idol. I'd like you to know that the last two weeks in a row, I have predicted the results show and have been dead-on on every detail. I pick the lowest three, the first to get sent "back to safety" and then who gets sent home. I believe I may have a gift for predicting the outcome of reality shows. I was high on believing that I have a gift when I walked in the door and heard Steve give the play-by-play on "Lost" as it was happening, knowing everything as it unfolded. So either both my husband and I are clairvoyant or tv is that predictable. I'll let you be the judge.

On days that I haven't been working two jobs (which is every day except today) I have been trying to log my six miles when I can find the time (between jigsaw puzzles and my hectic facebooking schedule). The other day, I was walking down 144th behind two Mormon boys with the white short-sleeved shirts and the backpacks. Apparently they felt a heathen hot on their trail, because they both abruptly jaywalked. I am probably the only person in the world the mormons do not want to converse with and try to convert. Instead, I cause them to sin just to escape me (jaywalking is not a sin to me, but who knows what they believe).

I went to the mall on Saturday for one reason alone: to return some clothes at two stores. When I arrived, I had to circle around looking for a parking spot as if it was December 22nd. Once inside, there were so many Jr. highers loitering that I got so fed up with dodging Vans sneakers that I only returned one of my items and hit up Orange Julius on the way out. Then I came home and logged onto the internet. There is more than one way to spend money, and I'm all about supporting technological advances.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

reality tv #3

1. Rock of Love
All three seasons I've watched this trashy show, loving the stripper antics and catfights. All three seasons, I've been disappointed after the final episode when Brett picks the wrong woman. No exception in season three, I am not surprised. I did find it interesting that Brett said, "this is the last time I'm going to do this." We'll see about that.

2. Biggest Loser
Thank God it was finally makeover week! If I had to look at Kristin's horrible highlights one more week, I might start spending two hours of my Monday evening watching a movie, instead of a reality show. I thought it was funny when Kristin said, "I'm from the Midwest," as if we hadn't already guessed with that horrible hairdo and her starting weight of 360 pounds. She doesn't look like a grotesquely overweight freak to me, she looks like the clientele at Cici's Pizza.

Ron is the puppet master in this show that is supposed to be about weight loss but is really almost as manipulative as Big Brother. Every week, whoever he campaigns against goes home. And Ron himself has been in the bottom two six or seven times and is still hanging around. I'm ready for him to go. I'm surprised he didn't lose more weight this week: I thought shaving his beard would take off at least five pounds in itself.

Although I was sad to see Sione leave last week, I was happy to see Filipe cope without him. He took charge in the group and was more determined in his workouts. It was nice to see that side of him.

3. American Idol
I think the theme this week was pretty lame. When I heard it was songs from movies I was expecting, "I can show you the world," and "Beauty and the Beast." I think those songs would have been better. Overall, I found the songs cheesy and lame, but I think the performers this season are the best American Idol has had all eight years. On to the specifics:

a. Anoop -- Wow. That blew me away. I had no idea he had it in him. I think he hit his notes flawlessly. I also think his nerd appeal is starting to work in his favor. I do wonder about all those frat boys sitting in his "family and friends" section week after week. Something about him makes me think his real dream in life is to be an extra in "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle."

b. Matt Giruad -- This could very well be the week he goes home. Too much with the runs. There are so many guys this season, I think he's having a hard time standing out. He had a couple notes today where I actually winced. His three piece suits are starting to make him look like the rabbit off Alice and Wonderland than Justin Timberlake.

c. Allison -- I personally didn't think the performance was that great, but she was the first, so after seeing the others, I thought it was alright. Not as spectacular as she's done in the past, but still the best girl in the group (not much competition though in that department). Hair looked better but I will never understand her clothes. She consistently looks like a Gordman's clearance rack.

d. Danny Gokey -- I didn't see his performance tonight, but I wouldn't say I missed it. I'm sure it was overly emotional and cheesy as always and sounded just like every other song he's ever sung. Blah. I've moved on, but I don't think America is with me on this one. Then again, I'm not swayed by personal stories or Perry Ellis designer eyewear. He's an alright singer, but he's not a star in my book. If he does win this year, I think second and third place will outsell him in records.

e. Kris Allen -- what was that? I was bored within one line. I don't think he's been improving these last few weeks. Luckily for him, he is the eye candy this season, so he's still got a couple weeks left before he's voted out. I love his wardrobe though. If he doesn't make it in music, perhaps he could apply to be Tim Gunn's assistant.

f. Adam Lambert -- I like the way he commands the stage and changes things up. That being said, he doesn't always have to do those squeaky notes just because he can. I think he is by far the star this season, but needs to hear constructive criticism more often from the judges. I think he's a bit arrogant and sometimes a little too theatrical. He would put on a hell of a show though. He is the only one of these contestants who I think would be better live than on the radio.

g. Lil Rounds -- awful. Bette Midler, "the Rose"? That is probably the easiest song in the world to sing which just proves to me that she is not good enough to hang with the rest of these cats. This is not special music at a funeral. Also, what is with her mouthing off to Simon week after week? I don't find that endearing at all. Between the lipstick, the feather earrings, and that last note of hers that actually made me utter, "wtf?" I see her in the bottom three. I would like to see her go home, but I'm afraid my boy Mad Hatter will beat her off the show.

Monday, April 13, 2009

epiphanies #2

1. That Cash-4-Gold commercial is ridiculous. Who is actually going to put their genuine gold into a little sack and mail it, hoping to get an indefinite amount of money back? Now that they have your gold, they can send you a check for any amount they would like. What are you going to do about it? If you're ever that strapped for cash, it's called a pawn shop. The only time I endorse sending pure gold through the mail hoping for a check in return is if it's something too embarrassing to pawn. Like a tooth.

2. If you can never find your car in the parking lot, that doesn't mean you should go out and buy a new one in an extremely ugly color. I've seen a few of these burnt orange and energy drink greens driving around, and I know there is no way the owner actually wanted to spend $30K and end up with that. Buy a keychain with a button you can press to hear your horn honk and see your lights flash, but don't make the rest of us suffer looking at your car blinding us in five o'clock traffic.

3. Why do Jeep's extra tire covers always have a smiley face on them? Driving a Jeep does not equal rainbows and sunshine. Bumping along a newly paved road, cold drafts in the freezing (and warm) weather -- if I drove a Jeep, my tire cover would be the frowning face of Osama Bin Laden.

4. Is there a single dog breed we haven't thought of yet? Just because two different dogs exist doesn't mean we have to see what their puppies would look like. I'm not sure how you would even mate and Irish Setter with a wiener dog. A good rule of thumb is: if it requires stools and harness-type contractions, it's not natural. Left to their own reproducing, dogs will inevitably produce all sorts of future mangy strays: we needn't help them.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

church today

Protestant church sure has changed a lot since I was a kid. For example:

1. Presentation. Everything is done on Powerpoint. When I was a kid, we were old school and actually brought our Bibles and flipped to page numbers in our hymnals. When we were advancing with the times, we put praise song sheets on the projector with a paper over it so you knew which line we were on.

2. Childcare. When I worked in the nursery and a baby wouldn't stop crying, I would go and tap the mom on the shoulder and tell her to come help us. Now, every baby is assigned a number which lights up when the parents are needed. It all is reminiscent of waiting for a table at the Olive Garden.

3. Performance. When we sang special music, if you were really getting into the song, you might nod your head or even close both eyes for a couple seconds. Now, worship leaders hop all around the stage with their left hand always in the air (reminds me of "Rookie of the Year"). Today, the worship leader even hopped on top of a box that was used for a skit later in the sermon. I stifled a laugh from escaping audibly. We didn't buy tickets to the bald guy in the Kramer shirt concert.

4. Dress code. I was worried I would be under dressed today because I am by no means a dress or skirt kind of gal. I wear slacks and a professional shirt as if I'm going to work. I remember for Easter us gals would pick out dresses a month in advance, and often even a hat to go with it. Today, I saw a couple dresses, but I mostly flip flops and capri pants, and (my favorite) tank tops with t-shirts underneath them (because God wants us modest, ladies).

5. Decor. We had a cross. And a couple of fake trees. Today churches seem to be all about banners. Everything is a damn banner, sometimes even with tassels. A banner with two hands, a banner with a dove, a banner with Jesus holding a child's hand. And on stage some colored lights of course (why not?)

Thursday, April 9, 2009

no special treatments

Let me clear up a misnomer here about my general assholeness. I discovered today my insensitivity to be a result of consistency. You see, I hold everyone to the same standard, regardless of individual circumstances. For example, on American Idol, I didn't think the blind guy could sing. Regardless of stories and disabilities, I expect the top seven to be the best seven singers that tried out for the show. Period.

Perhaps the reason I excel as a recruiter is because of my standard. Sob stories of being a single mom, or needing a job so badly had no positive effect on my decision. I don't decide who is a fit for the company based on emotion, but rather on who can perform the job the best. Actually, ever asking for a kleenex at all or showing up in person to a phone interview looks pretty pathetic to me. At an interview, you should be at your best, and if your best is groveling or waving the white flag of a low I.Q., I'm not interested.

It seems that society makes allowances for the gullible rather than treating them like morons. Perhaps that explains why morons never seem to evolve. If you see a car on the road trying to cut in at the last minute, right before a lane ends, you flip that fecking (I picked that up from one of those clever McCourt boys) asshole off, right? But if he has out-of-state plates it's allowed? Either way, you should flip him off. There is a sign showing merging lanes. Everyone else gets it, you don't get special treatment for being inept.

I know a woman who has an endless barrage of questions. I hate that over-used saying, "there are no stupid questions," for there certainly are. This woman asks the most ridiculously brainless questions over and over again. Unfortunately, my polite and patient friends allow and even welcome them. I say, don't answer her and stare at her blankly until she realizes what a pain in the ass she's being. If she realized she's putting people out and she should know the answer herself, perhaps she would shut her yapping mouth. In the meantime, only I have snapped at her (I made it nine days before doing so, so I deserve some sort of medal).

So next time I'm running at Lake Zorinsky and I see some walker who I can tell isn't a regular (probably wearing jeans) on the left side of the trail: instead of quietly passing on the grass, I will yell, "hey bitch, be courteous: the left is for passing only!" That way, she will never again make the same mistake. Sink or swim: no tiptoeing into the water. I don't give a shit that seventy other people passed her silently because of her attire. If I don't tell her, who will? It isn't fair to the morons to treat them like second-class citizens and allow them to get away with something they shouldn't. Treat them as our equals so that one day they will be.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

campaigning, chasing, and discovering love

Yesterday was the city primary election. As I drove to work, I saw sign wavers on the corner of 132nd/Center. Seeing them reminded me of so many of my childhood mornings when my dad was running for office. I wondered if these volunteers were in it for moral reasons than I had been (mine: a cinnamon roll from Ma's Place). I remember then thinking every wave represented a vote for my dad, and I tried to count the honks/waves against the people without responses as if to prematurely determine the outcome of the election. My dad did win his first campaign, but lost his second and his third and then quit running.

Thinking about campaigning and rejection led to relationships. I've heard that in every relationship, one person loves their partner more. Someone is always chasing, and someone is being pursued. That is not to say that the chasee doesn't also love their partner, because they do, just not to the same degree. It's as if someone is always campaigning, and sooner or later, the chasee either gives in or the campaigner gives up.

Does persistence ever lead to love? Or when you fall in love do you just know? I think for every person it is different and there isn't some blanket formula to knowing if this is it. I came from a very conservative and sheltered background, so I didn't know when dating my first boyfriend if I loved him. Eight years later, him and I are happily married, but it took me a few years and a few hundred miles to know what I wanted and then, that he was it. For others, perhaps they already know what they want and could just know when they meet someone if that is what they're looking for.

Your twenties are a time for exploration. (I read this in a book and have already repeated it a few times because I find it to be so true). You are still discovering who you are and aren't fully developed yet. Many times mid-life crises are results of getting married, having kids, or choosing a career too early before you really knew what you wanted.

I am often guilty of over-analyzing, but I also think that love can't be under-analyzed into "just knowing." If that was the case, every woman's soulmate would be Orlando Bloom. Love isn't a catch in your chest: that just signifies a cold gust of wind. Love is give and take: it's pursuing and being pursued. I think you will know that you love somebody once you no longer want to just receive, but want to give as well. The relationship is no longer about being flattered or feeling adored, but now about wanting the other person to feel the same way from you.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

reality tv #2

Well, my eye candy on the Biggest Loser is gone. All I have to look at now is stretch marks, extra skin, and sweat. It was a very intense episode for me. Although Tara beats him in the challenges, I think Sione is the most determined and inspirational athlete on the show. Glad to see that he got some tighter shirts (and they say guys are the pervs).

On "Rock of Love," I'm not surprised that Jamie was eliminated. Let's be honest: she has a better personality than the other two and is much more normal, but Bret Michaels isn't looking for normal. Speaking of normal: her looks are the reason she is gone. She looks too much like an every-day woman and not enough like a hooker who could very well be from the meat-packing district.

American Idol: although I was a hater at first, Adam is truly in a league of his own. I find myself looking forward to his performances more than anyone elses. He takes risks that no other contestant has the bandwidth to do. He truly is a performer.

Kris Allen: have loved for his instrumental and vocal talent, not to mention his boyish charms. However, I'm not a fan of that harem of fans surrounding him on his rinky-dink make-shift stage. He hasn't made it yet, as we figured out from his testimony of being on the ferris wheel and told to tell adam "hi." Once again, Adam is the real star here.

Blind guy: enough already. You're awful, we get it. This is not a scholarship program, and we have heard enough of your "story" that got you this far. I would hope the American public would start voting based on talent and not the blankest look in the eyes. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I think he made it to the top twelve unfairly based on his disability. Be honest, would you ever go out and buy that album if you weren't baked? I didn't think so.

Danny Gokey: blah. Same as last week and the week before and the week before. Dull. And I'm becoming extremely annoyed the way you scrunch up your nose and concentrate too hard on hitting your notes. The whole nice guy bit is getting old. Do you have any personality whatsoever other than being a kiss-ass?

Matt Giruad: I've always been a fan, but you're fading fast for me. Very predictable tonight with your desperate attempt to regain the judges' favor (which, by the way, is also becoming very predictable). The hat was a nice addition: it covers up that distracting spot on your forehead.

Girl with the pink hair (aka pig nose): I love Bonnie Raitt so I have nothing bad to say about you. You could have gargled the song and I would have still praised you, so obviously my opinion is worthless here.

Lil who? I've already forgotten everything about your performance except your dominatrix makeup. Oh yeah, and the tears after every judge's comment doesn't fit with your outfit. Grow up.

Anoop. I just had to ask Steve who the last performer was so obviously he didn't make an impression on me. I do remember his bright green striped cardigan and the fact that he sang some ballad. If he didn't have that name, he would have been voted out by now, guaranteed.

Monday, April 6, 2009

epiphanies #1

My epiphanies of the week:

1. Who do stores think they’re fooling with inaccurate sizes? GAP’s size medium is more like an XXL. I know why they do it: to get the plus-sized shoppers to spend hundreds of dollars at the magical store that categorizes them as a size 6. I get it, and it’s a brilliant marketing ploy, but it’s annoying to us who actually are a size medium. Now I have to try on everything in multiple sizes to find which one actually fits. All of a sudden I have one shirt in my closet in a size XS which is grossly outnumbered by all the mediums hanging around it. My friend is an actual size XS and everything at GAP now fits her like a tent. I guess GAP profits more in the end this way, because, at least where I live, there are plenty more large women than there are small ones.

2. Uggs are named that for a reason. When will they finally be officially out of style? When I was a kid we would have endlessly mocked someone who dared to wear Grandpa's high-top slippers, but now, since they cost over $100 they're vogue? Also, it seems every time I see someone wearing them it's with shorts or a skirt. Now they're not only as ugly as Perez Hilton, they're also contradictory.

3. Facebook statuses are not meant to double as your therapist. People now abuse the public bulletin to fish for compliments. "I'm sad;" "Vanessa is feeling ugly;" or "Derek has no friends." Instead of the standard sympathetic responses, I feel compelled to answer, "because you're ugly;" "that's because you are;" and "because you're ugly." Gripe to your diary, not to your 180 "friends" who have their own problems and frankly, don't give a shit.

4. Cheerleaders should be cute. If you're overweight, plain, or just plain ugly, don't bother trying out -- that's what softball is for. Nobody sits in the front four bleacher rows to see thunder thighs or muffin top. Also, those ribbons in your hair don't look cute with a uni-brow. If you think making the squad is the only way you'll become popular, you're obviously not hot enough to be popular anyway.

Friday, April 3, 2009

puzzle night, honking to pedestrians, zits

I know you're thinking that my crazy social calendar prohibited me from blogging last night. In truth, I was racing the clock while putting together a thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle. Since I never like to be at a deficit and I have committed to blogging five times a week, I'll pop another post in here over the weekend (after my confession, you know I don't have anything better to do).

I went on a walk tonight. My walks are quite lengthy since their purpose is two-fold: (1) exercise (in a suburban mom kind of way, not in an athlete-sort of way) and (2) to clear my head. It's the latter that takes awhile. While trying to unwind (there is a certain person who has really riled me up this week. Since I'm unclear of her internet abilities, I won't disclose further details), I received quite a few honks. I hate honks. If my own husband happened to see me coincidentally walking down the street in a foreign country he was visiting alone, he wouldn't honk. It's just impolite and my husband isn't crass (opposites attract). The only time you would honk at someone on the sidewalk would be if you knew them, and no, let me take that back, in that case you would actually roll down your window and yell out their name and then wave like a maniac.

Prior to the walk, I picked up dinner for Steve and I. We are probably the only couple who go to both Chipotle and Qdoba for us each to get a burrito. (I like queso and have no idea why Chipotle won't expand their menu). Now this past week, I've been a bit self-conscious about a blemish -- ok, a pimple, I didn't want to have to say it, but that's what it was: a pubescent zit on my 26-year old face -- yet I refuse to stoop as low as caking nude-colored paint on my face. I hate foundation and powder all over the skin. It really grosses me out, actually. So I went au natural: in all its fiery red glory. It has finally died down.

Anyway, at Chipotle, the woman creating Steve's burrito had a goiter of a zit. Seriously, I'm not just being my typical insensitive self, it was that huge. I couldn't even look her in the eye and she knew why. I didn't care, I just wanted to get out of there before it could leak puss into Steve's dinner. If we have policies where food-service workers have to wear hairnets (and sometimes even beard or sideburn nets I've heard) for cleanliness, we ought to also have a policy against those foot-blisters on the face. Not that you have to scrape them off with a dull razor blade per se (although that is my first suggestion), but perhaps keep the offensive face in the back of the restaurant. Or maybe wear a face-mask like Richard Hamilton. I'm not going back to Chipotle for 5-7 days, even if I am merely the courier of their burritos and not the consumer. In these situations, you don't want to take any chances.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

eBay suggests

I buy a lot of my clothes on eBay. I try to avoid the malls at all costs, so once I know of a brand, style, and size I like of something, I buy multiples at discount prices. After buying a few things on eBay, it begins to suggest items to you that you may like based on past purchases.

The other day, I laughed at the “eBay suggests” box at the unfortunate choices the featured shopper had – all grandma-knitted vests. When I literally laughed out loud, that’s when I realized that the shopper was me. Of course eBay doesn’t post other shoppers’ preferences, just those of the person who is logged in. My unfortunate suggestions were a result of constantly searching for “sweater vests.”

Apparently eBay doesn’t know the difference between a stylish and a hideous sweater vest. Then I realized: what if no one else does? What if I’m the only one fooling myself into believing that sweater vests are hip, while the rest of the world watches in disbelief?

Perhaps the executives at eBay were having a little too much fun creating my suggestion results – jabbing each other with each suggestion that is worse than the last. “You added a crocheted vest? That’s nothing: I put a human-sized doily on there.”